July 20, 201745 Comments

The more you tighten your grip

You're all clear, kid. Let's blow this thing and go home! I call it luck. You mean it controls your actions? I'm trying not to, kid. Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force.

The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers. The plans you refer to will soon be back in our hands. I have traced the Rebel spies to her. Now she is my only link to finding their secret base.

I'm trying not to, kid. A tremor in the Force. The last time I felt it was in the presence of my old master. I need your help, Luke. She needs your help. I'm getting too old for this sort of thing. I find your lack of faith disturbing.

July 3, 201714 Comments

There’s only one man

He'll want to use your yacht, and I don't want this thing smelling like fish. I'm a monster. There's only one man I've ever called a coward, and that's Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I'm calling you is a television actor.

No… but I'd like to be asked! Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. He didn't like his trailer. I hear the jury's still out on science. No! I was ashamed to be SEEN with you. I like being with you.

Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. He didn't like his trailer. First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn't date magicians. Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough. Really? Did nothing cancel?

July 3, 201726 Comments

Andy Griffith

Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. He didn't like his trailer. First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn't date magicians. Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough. Really? Did nothing cancel?

It's a hug, Michael. I'm hugging you. I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it. It's a hug, Michael. I'm hugging you. Get me a vodka rocks. And a piece of toast. Whoa, this guy's straight?

July 2, 201750 Comments

Alliance and a traitor

Obi-Wan is here. The Force is with him. What good is a reward if you ain't around to use it? Besides, attacking that battle station ain't my idea of courage. It's more like…suicide. Look, I can take you as far as Anchorhead. You can get a transport there to Mos Eisley or wherever you're going.

You mean it controls your actions? I call it luck. You are a part of the Rebel Alliance and a traitor! Take her away! But with the blast shield down, I can't even see! How am I supposed to fight?

Hey, Luke! May the Force be with you. I want to come with you to Alderaan. There's nothing for me here now. I want to learn the ways of the Force and be a Jedi, like my father before me. What!? What?! A tremor in the Force. The last time I felt it was in the presence of my old master.

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